Kise the Sassy Gay Friend
by Rikkamaru
Summary: Kise is Momoi's Sassy Gay Friend, to Aomine's horror. Gen, Kise-centric. One-shot, No Pairings. Rated T for language.


Don't own Kuroko no Basuke or the Sassy Gay Friend Series.

Don't own the Cover Art.

Kise the Sassy Gay Friend

* * *

Satsuki smiled exasperatedly at Daiki while they walked to Tetsu's school where they knew Seirin was practicing. Well, Daiki was doing that, Satsuki was just dropping him off before heading out. After all, she had plans today. "Why are we coming here again?" Daiki complained, yawning loudly beside her.

Satsuki elbowed him in annoyance. "As I've told you three times now," she fumed. "You're here to see Tetsu-kun and play against Kagamin; I'm going to the mall with Ki-chan."

Daiki perked up a little despite his previous feigned disinterest. "Kise's going to be there? Why can't I play against him too? Bakagami needs all the help he can get to play against me."

Satsuki shook her head with a smile. "Sorry Dai-chan, Ki-chan's helping me get some new clothes and he said he might need a few things for an upcoming shoot. You can have Tetsu-kun play with Kagamin against you."

Her childhood friend grunted and looked away. "No way; Tetsu won't make it a fair game at all."

Satsuki hummed in agreement; the Winter Cup was still the hot topic in all of the schools that had participated, Kagami's entrance into the second Zone and Tetsu's connection to it being a point of serious discussion amongst the Miracles and their teams. The manager was happy to finally see Tetsu getting the recognition he deserved all these years, whether he likes it or not.

"I'm sure you'll figure something out," was all she said in response, not willing to lose her shopping partner for the day.

Daiki predictably grumbled until they reached Seirin's gym. Right when they were about to enter, a shout suddenly erupted, surprising them both.

"DAMNIT, WHY ARE YOU HERE IF YOU WON'T EVEN PLAY A ONE-ON-ONE AGAINST ME?!"

A somewhat quieter voice began shouting back, and Satsuki had to hold in a giggle of amusement. "Ehh?! I came to see Kurokocchi! Besides, I'm not allowed to play today; Kasamatsu-senpai said so!"

Daiki grinned and pushed the door open. "Kise sure knows how to piss people off," he said, half-amused and half-awed by how easily the blonde could bring people to the brink of their sanity.

Satsuki laughed and agreed with him. "Ki-chan loves riling people up. Too bad most of them like to physically punish him for it." Daiki snickered a little before they came face to face with the Seirin team. Kagami was being held back by the rest of the first-years from lunging at the "clueless" model, while Hyuuga was getting the same treatment from Kiyoshi and Izuki. Tetsu just looked mildly annoyed but resigned to the insanity. And Kise…

Kise was just sitting on a spectator bench, fiddling with his bright yellow phone and watching them lose their patience with a glint in his eyes.

Before the others saw them, Kise glanced over to the two, and gave a devious smile and a wink that had them snickering some more, before he stood with a flourish and ran over excitedly to them. "Aominecchi! Momocchi! It's so good to see you two!" Expertly turning the attention away from himself as the two hot-heads of Seirin turned to glare daggers at Daiki.

Their attention successfully averted, Kise linked arms with Satsuki and began leading her out. She giggled again and waved back at her childhood friend and the love of her life. "Tetsu-kun! I'll come by to pick Dai-chan up in a few hours! Have fun!" She squealed a little when Tetsu nodded back at her, smiling slightly.

"So~" Kise drew out, slipping on a pair of shades he got from his pocket and offering her a pair of red ones that she happily accepted. "To the mall, my fair lady?"

"Indeed, Ki-chan," she grinned back, but it faded a little when she felt something beneath his long-sleeved shirt.

Since it was still winter, they had both opted for warmer clothing, Kise in a dark blue long-sleeved shirt and black pants while she was in a white blouse and Touou team jacket and blue jeans. She wouldn't have noticed unless she was touching him, but it definitely felt as if bandages were wrapped around his arms, and she grew a little concerned, but Kise seemed unbothered by them, so she would let it go for now.

"What are you looking for again?" she asked, and Kise grinned down at her with sparkles and flowers floating around him.

"I need some fedoras, a trench coat, and a watch for some upcoming shoots. What do you what, Momocchi?"

"I want a new purse and some new shirts and pants."

Kise hummed to himself thoughtfully before he broke out an excited smile. "Let's see if we can find those burnt pink jeans I've heard about; they would look amazing with Momocchi's complexion and hair and eyes!" He seemed to vibrate in place with his excitement and Satsuki wouldn't have been able to stop the smile that appeared if she had wanted to.

"That's sounds perfect, Ki-chan."

* * *

They started this tradition in middle school their second year, when Satsuki and Kise had finally warmed up to one another.

Satsuki had been commenting aloud on how she would need a new jacket since her current one was getting tears and wearing away rather quickly, and Kise said, without thinking much on it, that a denim jacket would look nice with her hair and would provide good protection against the dropping temperatures.

Satsuki stared at him, eyes wide, and dragged him to the mall with her the next day.

Kise has a good sense of color coordination, Satsuki realized, and smacked herself and the obviousness of that. He was, after all, a model; he would need to have some understanding of what to where and how in order to make a living in such a quietly cutthroat profession.

He was equally skilled with makeup, she figured out once they swung by that part of the store, watching him talk easily with the woman behind the desk as they took turns suggesting different shades of lip gloss and eye shadow to Satsuki while discussing the importance of matching with hair and eyes.

She looked up all of the data she had gathered, and came to an inevitable conclusion:

Kise was her Sassy Gay Friend (capitals needed).

He gave her tips on what to do with boys; he helped her with clothing and makeup; they were even talking about doing movie nights where he could paint her nails and watch romantic comedies with her!

When she told him her findings, Kise had just looked contemplatively at her before nodding. "As long as you don't make me call you a stupid bitch," he told her sternly. "I will never feel comfortable with giving you that nickname in any instance." She blushed at the compliment and hugged him giddily in response.

And so the adventures of Satsuki and her Sassy Gay Friend began.

* * *

Daiki was having fun – though he would never admit it – playing against Kagami and the other Seirin regulars, but he couldn't help sneaking glances at the door. Where the hell had Satsuki gone? And with Kise too, of all people. There wasn't anything wrong with Kise, but he and Satsuki just didn't do stuff together that often.

Tetsu apparently caught on to his confusion and appeared next to him. "Perhaps we should go see where they are?" He asked, and Daiki jumped.

"Damn it, Tetsu! I've told you not to do that!" He shouted, hand over his heart to try and calm it, before pausing. "Eh? You want to follow them?"

Tetsu nodded. "I too am curious to see what they are doing since they did not interact often in middle school."

Daiki grinned. "Alright! Let's go!" When he began moving and Tetsu just stayed in place, he look back and saw his former light giving him a look before glancing pointedly at Kagami. Daiki scowled but acquiesced. "Fine, you can bring Bakagami too." Tetsu nodded in gratitude and grabbed the redhead, dragging him along behind them and ignoring his shouts.

They arrived at the mall soon enough and wandered around rather aimlessly until they caught sight of blonde and pink hair moving through the crowd toward a clothing store, and tailed behind them into the store. "Why did you get non-prescription glasses?" They heard Satsuki ask Kise as she shifted through a rack of shirts.

"Because I know my manager far too well," Kise said back, skimming through what pants they had to offer. Occasionally he would lift a pair up, show them to Satsuki, then move them back to the rack or hang them over his arm based on how she responded. "I have a feeling that once I find the trench coat I want, she'll want me to try them with who knows what combination of clothes. Might as well have the glasses now. Besides, they help obscure my face a little more." He then lit up. "Found them!" And proceeded to pull a pair of _pink_ jeans off of the rack.

Daiki was about to ruin their reconnaissance by laughing himself silly at the thought of Kise in those – that's what he would have called an eyesore on a good day – when Satsuki bounced over and squealed. "They're perfect! Thank you for helping me look for them, Ki-chan!" She then snatched them out of Kise's hand and jogged to the changing room, Kise running after her to give her the other clothes.

There was a pause throughout the espionage group before Kagami ended it. "So they really are shopping." He declared, bored. "Why are we spying on them, anyway?" Neither Daiki nor Tetsu deigned to give him a reply.

This continued for _three more hours_, and Daiki felt more exhausted tailing them than he would have if he had been playing against Seirin for that same amount of time. Kagami and Tetsu looked equally exhausted, Tetsu resting on Kagami's back after he collapsed in the fourth clothing store the two had gone into.

And Satsuki and Kise were still going as if this were natural.

Daiki now wondered exactly how much stamina the blonde small forward had to go on for this long.

"Ki-chan! There's the hat store we're looking for!" Satsuki seemed to be having the time of her life shopping with the boy, listening to his opinions and criticism for each new outfit, and all of the information Daiki now had on color coordination and shading made his head hurt and was stuff he didn't need to know.

Kagami muttered something vile as they went into _another_ store, and Daiki silently agreed with the sentiment. At least this one had hats; while Kise looked natural when perusing selections in a dress shop, _they had not_.

The two were only in there for 15 minutes, which was a miracle in Daiki's opinion, and left with Kise wearing a black fedora that looked unfairly good with his outfit, and Satsuki thanking her companion for the grey fedora on her own head.

"I think that's everything I need." Kise finally said, and Daiki was a moment away from falling to his knees with relief. Kagami looked the same, and was only stopped by the fear of hurting Tetsu if he did so. "How about you Momocchi?"

"Hmm…this should be enough until our next trip," she agreed, and Daiki swore to _never_ _follow them again_, if he could help it. "Are you okay, Ki-chan? We haven't been here long."

How the hell was three hours of shopping not _long_?! While the two power forwards shared horrified looks at the thought, Kise smiled and hefted the six bags he had to more comfortable positions on his arms.

"You already know, Momocchi, but I kinda overworked myself yesterday; that's why Kasamatsu-senpai told me not to go to practice today. I was practicing the duration of my Perfect Copy, so I don't think I can keep going for another two hours. Sorry." He smiled at the end, but Daiki couldn't focus on that as he tried to stop Kagami's soul from leaving his body in shock. _Five hours_ of shopping? He shuddered; and people called him a monster.

"I'll walk you back to Seirin, Momocchi," Kise offered, and the spies didn't hear what else was said as they scrambled to get back to the school and spin a believable story to the Coach and Captain.

With how exhausted Tetsu was, they should be fine.

* * *

*Omake*

Daiki snuck closer to a clothes rack and looked over, finding Satsuki and Kise pretty easily. Then he blinked.

Why was Kise wearing an orange scarf?

And why was it covered in sequins?!

*End Omake*

* * *

I don't know why, but this idea hit me like a bag of hammers. Kise fascinates me, since he has a somewhat darker view of the world in general due to his abilities, but he's just so happy and optimistic because of the basketball that Aomine and Kuroko got him into that he doesn't let it bother him.

Please review.

Ja ne!


End file.
